This month’s “Babes of the BNP” blog exploded the internet, sending a shower of bits, bytes and unpleasant debate raining through our office like an uncapped oil well. Some felt that the she-wolves of the far right didn’t get a fair hearing last time out. So, in the interests of political correctness (gone mad?), we invited Rebecca Edwards back to offer her fragrant wit and wisdom on the flipside of fame. It’s like Jordan vs. Piers Morgan all over again.
Vice: So you’ve seen the blog, right?
Rebecca Edwards: Yeah, I was so upset that night. Really, I was crying. People were really mean to me. I’m not a racist. I just don’t believe in foreigners coming here and taking over our country.
Weren’t you expecting a very negative reaction?
No. I thought that people would respect someone who’s standing up for what they believe in.
What do you say to people who’ve called you thick?
I’m not. At least I’m prepared to stand up for what I believe in. There were people on there who were calling me ugly. Well, it’s not like I was going around telling everyone I was a full-time model. I’d just done those modelling shots part-time.
Eddie, your husband, wrote something under the blog about Enoch Powell.
Yeah. Eddie was looking him up that night, telling me about him and what a hero he was. What were you saying about him, Eddie?
[Eddie can be heard coaching Rebecca.]
He was a politician… in the 1960s… who offered each immigrant £20 to go home. Obviously that was a long time ago. It’d be more in today’s money.
How much do you think we should pay nowadays?
Nothing.
£20,000? I’d up sticks for that.
No, nothing. Nothing at all. They should just go back if they’re not meant to be here in the first place.
Don’t you think maybe we could keep the Indians on to do the corner shops, where they already have enormous expertise?
No.
Don’t you think it would make it much harder to get 20 Benson &Hedges and a copy of Nuts if they weren’t here?
Well, all I know is that English people should have those jobs ‘cos there’s plenty out of work right now.
Has anyone from BNP HQ been in touch?
They haven’t, actually.
You should do some modelling for them. Are they doing a calendar or suchlike?
I know. I want to join.
So you’re not already a fully paid-up member?
I’ve been having a look on their website. It’s a really good website, actually. They have some really interesting articles on there. We’re going to, but I think it’s about £35 a month to join. Is that right, Eddie?
[Eddie sounds unsure.]
If you needed a liver transplant, would you be willing to have a black liver transplanted into your body?
No.
What about a black spleen?
Actually, it’s probably all the same, isn’t it?
What about a black brain?
What do you mean?
Well, would you be able to love an adopted black baby?
This is gonna sound really racist, but probably not.
What if it arrived pre-trained to know your name and various other useful facts about you?
No.
OK, here’s a philosophical dilemma. A terrorist is holding a plane hostage. There are three hundred people on there. But they’re all old, like about sixty; which isn’t to say they don’t have a fair bit of life left in them. Now, the terrorist informs you that you either shoot the baby and 300 people can live or 300 people must die but the baby can live. Which do you choose?
I’d probably choose the baby because it’s got its whole life to live.
Yeah, but technically you’ve rubbed out 6000 years to save maybe 80.
No, I’d still choose the baby.
The baby is black.
Still the baby.
The baby is half-Asian.
Still the baby.
The baby is half-reptilian.
What do you mean?
So you haven’t changed your mind about moving to Lanzarote?
Yeah, I can’t wait to get out of this country.
GAVIN HAYNES
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