Labour's Own Balmain Bride

A while ago I read a piece in a fashion mag where the writer was questioning the credentials of Balmain. 'How many seasons can you go on using big angular shoulders?', the person rightly asked. Margiela did it a few years back, Christophe Decarnin at Balmain continued the trend, made it big, exploded the brand and then....he continued doing the shoulders....again and again.


Surely this image, if nothing else, must be end of this trend. This is Margaret Hodge, Labour MP of Barking and Dagenham, who the other day beat the political crap out of BNP's Nick Griffin. Great, well done Hodge. But WTF are you wearing?


You are not standing one the command bridge of the USS Enterprise, even though it looks like SPOCK standing on your right. I know, I probably just confused two very different sci-fi series....but you know what? I don't give a shit, they're equally bad.


Anyway, back to the point; shoulders. A massive thanks to Margaret Hodge MP for beating the BNP and for single handily killing off the massive shoulder trend. 

Babes of the BNP revisited - courtesy of Viceland.com

http://www.viceland.com/wp/2009/07/babes-of-the-bnp-revisited/

This month’s “Babes of the BNP” blog exploded the internet, sending a shower of bits, bytes and unpleasant debate raining through our office like an uncapped oil well. Some felt that the she-wolves of the far right didn’t get a fair hearing last time out. So, in the interests of political correctness (gone mad?), we invited Rebecca Edwards back to offer her fragrant wit and wisdom on the flipside of fame. It’s like Jordan vs. Piers Morgan all over again.

Vice: So you’ve seen the blog, right?
Rebecca Edwards: Yeah, I was so upset that night. Really, I was crying. People were really mean to me. I’m not a racist. I just don’t believe in foreigners coming here and taking over our country.

Weren’t you expecting a very negative reaction?
No. I thought that people would respect someone who’s standing up for what they believe in.

What do you say to people who’ve called you thick?
I’m not. At least I’m prepared to stand up for what I believe in. There were people on there who were calling me ugly. Well, it’s not like I was going around telling everyone I was a full-time model. I’d just done those modelling shots part-time.

Eddie, your husband, wrote something under the blog about Enoch Powell.
Yeah. Eddie was looking him up that night, telling me about him and what a hero he was. What were you saying about him, Eddie?

[Eddie can be heard coaching Rebecca.]

He was a politician… in the 1960s… who offered each immigrant £20 to go home. Obviously that was a long time ago. It’d be more in today’s money.

How much do you think we should pay nowadays?
Nothing.

£20,000? I’d up sticks for that.
No, nothing. Nothing at all. They should just go back if they’re not meant to be here in the first place.

Don’t you think maybe we could keep the Indians on to do the corner shops, where they already have enormous expertise?
No.

Don’t you think it would make it much harder to get 20 Benson &Hedges and a copy of Nuts if they weren’t here?
Well, all I know is that English people should have those jobs ‘cos there’s plenty out of work right now.

Has anyone from BNP HQ been in touch?
They haven’t, actually.



You should do some modelling for them. Are they doing a calendar or suchlike?
I know. I want to join.

So you’re not already a fully paid-up member?
I’ve been having a look on their website. It’s a really good website, actually. They have some really interesting articles on there. We’re going to, but I think it’s about £35 a month to join. Is that right, Eddie?

[Eddie sounds unsure.]

If you needed a liver transplant, would you be willing to have a black liver transplanted into your body?
No.

What about a black spleen?
Actually, it’s probably all the same, isn’t it?

What about a black brain?
What do you mean?

Well, would you be able to love an adopted black baby?
This is gonna sound really racist, but probably not.

What if it arrived pre-trained to know your name and various other useful facts about you?
No.

OK, here’s a philosophical dilemma. A terrorist is holding a plane hostage. There are three hundred people on there. But they’re all old, like about sixty; which isn’t to say they don’t have a fair bit of life left in them. Now, the terrorist informs you that you either shoot the baby and 300 people can live or 300 people must die but the baby can live. Which do you choose?
I’d probably choose the baby because it’s got its whole life to live.

Yeah, but technically you’ve rubbed out 6000 years to save maybe 80.
No, I’d still choose the baby.

The baby is black.
Still the baby.

The baby is half-Asian.
Still the baby.

The baby is half-reptilian.
What do you mean?

So you haven’t changed your mind about moving to Lanzarote?
Yeah, I can’t wait to get out of this country.

GAVIN HAYNES

Bruno talks Fashion in Politics with the Guardian

The British political scene is in crisis, MPs have never been so reviled. How would you restore confidence?

Ich do not like to talk about politics. Ze last time an Austrian got involved in politics it resulted in ein horrific var, which resulted in ze annihilation of all major European fashion shows for six years. Ich know it's controversial – but in my opinion – Hitler vas a bit of a bitch. I know someone who vas ze grandson of his personal assistant; apparently behind ze scenes he vas a real tyrant. Vorse zan Elton!

The ex-home secretary's husband tried to claim his adult movie habit on expenses. He watched Raw Meat 3 – do you know it?

Nein, ich do not vatch adultmovies. If ich am feeling horny ich vatch Daniel Radcliffe movies. Zey are best watched on DVD vhen ich can pause it, und not run ze risk of accidentally finishing meinself off vhen ze old vizard ist on the screen.

Britain is about to be taken, if not roundly thrashed, by a group of smooth-cheeked public school boys. What should we do?

If you're you are not into ze spanking, pull out ein dildo. Most guys will run quicker zan an Austrian child who has just found ze door to his dungeon unlocked.

How should Gordon Brown improve his YouTube hit count?

Lose ze grimacing: he has ze sort of creepy smile zat makes you check your drink for Rohypnol! He alvays looks so sad – ich think he needs some new batteries in his love eggs und ein makeover. He needs to go in some skinny jeans, und change his name to "DJ Shadow". Und get some shpray tan – hello.

The crypto-fascists of the BNP are on the rise in our country. Do you have a message for them?

It is the wrong vay to get your message across! Look at Adolf, everyone remembers him for ze invading und ze fighting. No one remembers his bold use of colours and inventive accessorising. Or ze fact zat he could co-ordinate zose big shows vith thousands of people und hundreds of costume changes. Let me tell you, if Donatella Versace had been in charge of ze Nuremberg Rally, it vould have been a disaster! Ich have seen zese angry men mit zere shaven heads hanging abaus outside gay clubs. Too scared to come in. Ich says zere's plenty of room in ze Jacuzzi for all types of guys. Not all gays like immigrants you know, so it's no big deal, vassever.

How do you feel about Barack Obama's first 100 days?

He has been OK, but Bruno vould have liked it more if he'd have set up en actual Fashion Police Department vith full powers of arrest. Zey should be able to baton-charge anyone in sweatpants.

Would you style him differently?

Ja, ich vould set that hot body free from its prison made of suits! He should follow Bruno's rule: treat your clothes like you would do a pet. Love zem for a week, zen stick zem in a zip-up bag und throw zem in ze Danube. Then again Obama has to vear ein suit, or else zose gay marines who guard him vould be all over him like puppies on ein dropped ice cream.

Are you planning more Prop 8 demonstrations?

Of course! It is disgusting zat gay people don't have the same rights as straights: the right to be trapped in a loveless sex-free marriage that ends in a massive legal fight over a house. And as for kids, why shouldn't gays be able to adopt? Ein Third World baby is zis season's must-have accessory, and it is discrimination to deny zem this.

Is Bin Laden right? Is Obama antagonising Muslims?

Zose Al Qaida guys are so touchy! But then if all ich had to vear vas a black sheet und some sandals, I vould blow myself up too.

What three changes would you make you heal the world?

* Ban ze elasticating of jean vaists.
* Free colonic hoses on street corners.
* Make Karl Lagerfeld head of ze UN – he got Tyra Banks to appear on ze same runvay as Naomi, he could easily fix ze Middle East.

BNP's Nick Griffin and Two Dozen Eggs

I just like seeing the face of Nick Griffin as he is pelted with eggs during his Westminster press conference. Ah poor Nick, run home to mummy...

BNP SUCKS

The BNP are known for many things but style isn't one of them, as these pictures prove. The man on the left, Barry Bennett, is not too bad; a blue tie over a light blue shirt is never wrong. He's clearly demented though. Sample quote: "David Beckham is not white, he's a black man." That speaks for itself, surely...

It gets more interesting with Lee Barnes. He is quoted saying "the beating of Rodney King still makes me laugh", which is in itself a horrible thing to say. But his facial hair, suit and tie are also appalling. He makes me think of some weird and slimy magician in that silk shirt and golden tie. His wardrobe choices are enough reasons to stay away from BNP on the 4th of June, but don't forget to vote!