Nick Henman

It's the night before the election and all three party leaders are still out campaigning. The whole country is of course at home, watching shit telly, so Gordy, Dave and Nicky are probably preaching to their PA. Anyway, we know that Tony Blair once was in a rock band (admittedly they were called Ugly Rumours, but still...), Cameron once dressed daft with his homo erotic band of brothers in the Bullingdon Club and Gordon he....well, never mind what he got up to as a youngster, because he probably doesn't know himself....but now we also know what Nick Clegg did on his adolescent spare time. Tennis. That's him, second from the left, you neo-conservative little social democrat in a cricket jumper! Apparently he also did a bit of amateur theatre. Of course you did mate.

General Tie Competition 2010

Any man who can't tie a tie needs to learn that skill immeditatley. It's a bit like riding a bicycle: once you've learnt you always know how to do it. You might think you're never going to need it, but one of these days you will, and having to ask for help is not on. I'm not suggesting that any of these three gents can't tie their own tie, but I'm interested in how they tie it, and what kind of tie they normally go for.


There's always that classic argument that DC needs a blue tie, GB a red and NC a yellow one. And as you can see, they often feed into these stereo types themselves. But forget about the colour for a while; look at the knot. I'm terribly dissapointed in GB's tie knot; out of these three, he's closest to a Banker Wanker tie. You know, the massivly over sized ones that everyone in the City sports. One wonders what is they're trying to compensate for? It ain't a lack of dosh, that's for sure....


Also, except for the knot, I'm not crazy about the shiny shade of purple he's gone for. Genrelly speaking, fellow gentlemen, avoid purple. It has too much Burton and Bluewater shopping centre about it! Also NC has a too shiny tie, and yellow is rarely a good colour for clothing - even though, in this case, it is his party's fighting colours.


It pains me to say it, but DC is the winner. Blue, out of the three party colours, is by far the most versatile and subtle colour. The Tory knot, surprisingly enough, is also the best one; Where GB's is too big and shiny and NC's a bit too thin and pointy (plus shiny), Cameron has the perfect size and angle...but he looks a bit puffy in the face, doesn't he....

Funny Animated Take on Gordon Brown's Bully Tactics

So the story of the week is Andrew Rawnsley's critique of the PM's mood and behaviour in his new book, serialised in the Observer. The End of the Party deals with New Labour, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown (plus a few others, not so important people) and it allegedly dishes out a few spoonfuls of dirt. 


The first recipitant is PM Brown. Apparently he's been a naughty bully. True or false (10 Downing Street denies it), this hilarious report from Honk Kong on the fight needs to be seen - especially the animation at the end. It shows how Brown's staff abuse could have looked like....just a shame it doesn't look a bit like Gordon then...

Britain ain't Broken - It's Morbid...

These are the two latest campaign posters from the main parties in the lead up to the General Election. Neither of them is particularly happy and positive - but then, a political attack ad rarely is. 

But what you do notice is the doom and gloom - the greyness if you like - that both ads communicate. The Tory one is especially harsh, even reminding voters that no one lives forever. Also the Labour one deals with issues of live and death, but I would argue it looks a bit better than the Conservative one. But come on - Cancer or Death, is that all you guys can offer...

GQ's Worst Dressed of 2010 - Kimmy, Gordy, Boris and Sarkozy

The end of 2009 saw journalists listing everything from best curry to worst hurry, and admittedly, I did it as well. The Best Music of 2009 - HERE! Now it's 2010 and that means new lists. This one is from GQ and concerns the Best and Worst Dressed of the new year. Don't ask me how they know in what way these people will dress in 2010 - maybe they know something I don't. True, some of them are quite predictable; Johnny Borrell (number 9 out of 10) will be "too white and too tight" this year as well...

For us - political fashion buffs - four are three people that interests us. Number 8 is NK's Kim Jong-il. GQ says his "ensembles are about as likeable as his policies". I would argue he's a lot more rock 'n 'roll than most politicians, at least sartorially speaking. He wear high heels, for God's sake. So does Nicolas Sarkozy and, wait for it, he's number 3! Both guys have their (lack of) height in common.

Boris Johnson is at number 4. His charm tour of the world and London might have paid of in electoral support, but he's still a floppy haired Tory according to the monthly lifestyle magazine. But there are no doubts about where GQ's political alliance lies, and there are no David Camerons anywhere to be seen. The coveted Number 1 spot goes, therefore, to our PM Gordon Brown. For no other reason then that he dresses - and is - boring. Imagine what they would have said if Bordon came into work in DSquared jeans, Romain Kremer top and yellow Acne tassel loafers...  

http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/the_magazines/this_issueslideshows/100104-2010-gq-worstdressed-list.aspx?idx=9

FASHION IN POLITICS analyses this year's XMAS cards...

Christmas is around the corner, people, and Yuletide cards are sent out in every possible direction. This bunch here is from the leaders of the three biggest parties, plus the Mayor London...

This is Gordon Brown's contribution. Apparently the photograph was taken by some 19 year old kid who'd won the CIWEM Young Environmental Photographer of the Year, but I couldn't care less. Can they not see what it shows? Sometimes I wish Malcolm from The Thick Of It was for real - he wouldn't have let this pass through....No. 10  dangling on a VERY thin thread! So except for wishing us a Merry Christmas, Gordon Brown is saying that he is smoked and that his premiership will be done with when the trees go out...which is in the beginning of January, if I'm not mistaken...

This is David Cameron: as boring and...well, just bloody boring...as you'd expect.

At least Nick Clegg has added some personality to his card. But he should really talk to his kids about their drawing skills; they're 22 and 25 years old after all...

What are you saying Boris? That you're our star? We should re-introduce camels to save carbon emission? That you're Christ? I don't get it, you bonkerous flip-flopper!

This could have been Nick Griffin's Xmas card. But it isn't. But it could have been.

Safe and Sound in Afghanistan

Once in a while our dear leaders go on a hiking trip to Afghanistan. Proof of this are on the very pages of FiP. It's not just the government going over; Dave Cameron has been there several times, pretending to care. Now, it was Gordy's turn.


He probably felt that after all those letter 'scandals' that he better get involved. If you remember, he spelt someone's name wrong and another letter arrived a whooping two years too late. On my part, this photo more than enough makes up for that! The hands, the look in his eyes and the scrunched up shirt and jacket; what a FiP photo! Cheers Gordon... 

Sarah Brown Hearts Naomi Campbell

While her husband is struggling with keeping Hollywood A-listers Renee and Reese apart, Sarah Brown has taken the celebrity No. 10 celebrity flirt a step further through making ex super model Naomi Campbell her "21st-century heroine". The nomination comes as part of the latest issue of Hapers Bazaar, edited by Lucy Yeoman. The choice was, apparently, in light of Naomi's frequent charity work, as opposed to all her convictions of GBH. Sarah Brown's reasoning goes as follow:

"The Naomi Campbell I had heard about was beautiful, successful, always late, a bit frightening, even a bit out of control," she writes in the magazine. "[The] Naomi Campbell I met [was] certainly beautiful, but also sincere, direct, and impatient in a good way."

Gordon Brown's Man of the Century must surely be either Chris Brown or Tiger Woods then...

Bandwagon? What bandwagon?

Brown has the X-Factor...

In the latest GQ issue, Gordon Brown is spilling the beans to Piers Morgan. There we have it. We knew that Mandy was keen on Strictly Come Dancing, but it's now official that Brown is more of an X-Factor devotee. He told Morgan that "Cowell accused me of wavering in my support for The X Factor, but I haven't. I'm an X Factor fan, and Peter Mandelson looks after Strictly Come Dancing." I wouldn't wanna be at the next cabinet meeting when the two square up, Brown singing and Mandelson dancing...

Long Live Gordon Brown?

Gordon Brown. On the tube. Alone with us, the people. His disciples.

What's interesting is of course the person opposite the PM - the person reading the paper Gordon can't take his eyes off; Long Live The King?

The question mark is of great importance here people...

Gordon Brown + Rankin = Polaroid

Bruno talks Fashion in Politics with the Guardian

The British political scene is in crisis, MPs have never been so reviled. How would you restore confidence?

Ich do not like to talk about politics. Ze last time an Austrian got involved in politics it resulted in ein horrific var, which resulted in ze annihilation of all major European fashion shows for six years. Ich know it's controversial – but in my opinion – Hitler vas a bit of a bitch. I know someone who vas ze grandson of his personal assistant; apparently behind ze scenes he vas a real tyrant. Vorse zan Elton!

The ex-home secretary's husband tried to claim his adult movie habit on expenses. He watched Raw Meat 3 – do you know it?

Nein, ich do not vatch adultmovies. If ich am feeling horny ich vatch Daniel Radcliffe movies. Zey are best watched on DVD vhen ich can pause it, und not run ze risk of accidentally finishing meinself off vhen ze old vizard ist on the screen.

Britain is about to be taken, if not roundly thrashed, by a group of smooth-cheeked public school boys. What should we do?

If you're you are not into ze spanking, pull out ein dildo. Most guys will run quicker zan an Austrian child who has just found ze door to his dungeon unlocked.

How should Gordon Brown improve his YouTube hit count?

Lose ze grimacing: he has ze sort of creepy smile zat makes you check your drink for Rohypnol! He alvays looks so sad – ich think he needs some new batteries in his love eggs und ein makeover. He needs to go in some skinny jeans, und change his name to "DJ Shadow". Und get some shpray tan – hello.

The crypto-fascists of the BNP are on the rise in our country. Do you have a message for them?

It is the wrong vay to get your message across! Look at Adolf, everyone remembers him for ze invading und ze fighting. No one remembers his bold use of colours and inventive accessorising. Or ze fact zat he could co-ordinate zose big shows vith thousands of people und hundreds of costume changes. Let me tell you, if Donatella Versace had been in charge of ze Nuremberg Rally, it vould have been a disaster! Ich have seen zese angry men mit zere shaven heads hanging abaus outside gay clubs. Too scared to come in. Ich says zere's plenty of room in ze Jacuzzi for all types of guys. Not all gays like immigrants you know, so it's no big deal, vassever.

How do you feel about Barack Obama's first 100 days?

He has been OK, but Bruno vould have liked it more if he'd have set up en actual Fashion Police Department vith full powers of arrest. Zey should be able to baton-charge anyone in sweatpants.

Would you style him differently?

Ja, ich vould set that hot body free from its prison made of suits! He should follow Bruno's rule: treat your clothes like you would do a pet. Love zem for a week, zen stick zem in a zip-up bag und throw zem in ze Danube. Then again Obama has to vear ein suit, or else zose gay marines who guard him vould be all over him like puppies on ein dropped ice cream.

Are you planning more Prop 8 demonstrations?

Of course! It is disgusting zat gay people don't have the same rights as straights: the right to be trapped in a loveless sex-free marriage that ends in a massive legal fight over a house. And as for kids, why shouldn't gays be able to adopt? Ein Third World baby is zis season's must-have accessory, and it is discrimination to deny zem this.

Is Bin Laden right? Is Obama antagonising Muslims?

Zose Al Qaida guys are so touchy! But then if all ich had to vear vas a black sheet und some sandals, I vould blow myself up too.

What three changes would you make you heal the world?

* Ban ze elasticating of jean vaists.
* Free colonic hoses on street corners.
* Make Karl Lagerfeld head of ze UN – he got Tyra Banks to appear on ze same runvay as Naomi, he could easily fix ze Middle East.

Gordon Brown Style Guide

www.redbubble.com

This is difficult because Brown isn't the kind of man that you easily make the focus of a political Style Guide. Mostly due to the fact that he really doesn't have one.

He very much subscribes to the standardised western uniform of a black or navy suit with ties in three different colours; red, blue and lilac. That's it.

I've tried to find another side of him and I thought I'd better hurry up, we are after all in the midst of The Brownfall, as the earlier post clearly shows...

This is how we are used to see him; navy suit, white shirt and a red tie

But next to Tony Blair, a media savvy and smooth operator, Brown sometimes look at a bit stuffy. It's important to loosen up and get to rid of the tie...people identify more with a relaxed politician...

But as you can see, Brown is capable of doing just that. The problem that he now, in his beige blazer, looks like a car sales man on holiday...

This is just a great haircut photo of Gordon where he looks like Robert Smith's dad.

This is, of course, a young Gordy. Probably sometime in the 70's and he's out campaigning for miners' right to lunch breaks, or something else - like air - that Maggie had denied them...

The Brownfall...

No More Red Face Mr Brown

A junior No. 10 aid has managed to leave a folder containing Gordon Brown's make up instructions in a cab, which was handed to The Sun. It's quite a substantial list, Browny...

1. Transparent brush. Foam all over.

2. Small pot under eyes, dimple, creases, blend in.

3. Clinique. Super balanced make-up. All over again, like painting a wall, and ears. Shut eyes over lids then with make-up pad smooth over liquid.

4. Powder (dark brush) terracotta Guerlain, all over.

A Well Matched UK Budget Day

The UK budget was announced today by the Chancellor of the Exchequer Alastair Darling. It was bad news for the super rich, who now (or rather, from April next year) has to pay 50% taxes. Of course it was not all that great for the rest of us, either. 

The UK economy is shrinking with 3.5% - the worst since WWII. But the environmental sector, like wind turbines, got a bit of cash. The public sector, though, will suffer with a minimal 0.7% increase in spending. They figure the economy will pick up by the end of 2009, but there are still job losses penned in for UK workers. It's tough times, you know...

The Labour elite was gathered, looking gloomy and bored but still colourful. Darling, flanked by PM Brown, celebrated with a well matched - some might even say too matched - shirt and tie combo in pastel colours, focusing on a pale lilac. Very suave we say to Mr Darling, but he still hasn't sorted out his not so co-ordinated hair and eye brow colours... 

G20 PICS OF THE OBAMAS (AND THE BROWNS)

This is the presidential couple boarding Air Force One - Michelle in a nice white dress (or possibly coat - let's leave something to the imagination...). Look at the perfect colour co-ordination; light blue AF1, white dress/coat and the white boarding equipment....

And here we are coming off, about seven hours later. Michelle has changed into a yellow dress, which perfectly matches the POTUS emblem on their left. Coincidence? I think not. The new White House is not only web savvy but also knowledgeable about fashion...

So they have landed, slept at the US ambassador's house in Regents Park and this is them coming to No. 10. There was the usual nervous and cringe-worthy handshakes, welcome wishes and kisses. All of them survived with their dignity, but Michelle, in her pretty off-white cardigan, stands out the most. Sarah Brown has apparently read our previous blog about how the Cameron's went all black on us. Ah well, better luck next time, Sarah...

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